Bella in ogni modo

Shelby was shocked to see that her shoes were dirty, as were her blue jeans, socks, and especially her fingernails; something she had always held to the highest of standards.

“I’m disgusting,” she yelled to herself!

Shelby had not showered nor changed clothes for nearly one week, and until this very moment, had absolutely no idea of the severity of her depression. One again, a tsunami of reality and memories began to smash against her recently detoxed mind. The combination of painful truth, heartache, and loss, created yet another wave, a wave of intense fear and craving. Her mind began to race back down the hallway to the bathroom, the medicine cabinet, and the small brown bottles of pills. She could easily end the pain and suffering right this minute. The answer was right there, just down the hallway in the bathroom. Yes, the answer was in the pills, just a few pain pills and everything would go back the way that it was; and she could sleep the rest of the day. She wanted so desperately to cry, but something restrained her tears, something or someone would not allow the gates to reopen.

“No…Never again,” she screamed!

Once more, a car alarm screamed, sending a barrage of noise throughout the entire neighborhood, freezing Shelby’s mind and body. She listened intently, waiting for another sign but nothing followed. The overwhelming knowing could not be dismissed, for better or worse, something was coming.

Shelby sat unmoving, her dark brown eyes locked straight ahead towards the large window facing the street. Although her anger raged within, she could not help but romance one particular memory from years past. She had walked away from a handful of elite college scholarships to pursue a life of ballet just after highschool. She had scored thirty-three on her ACT, landing in the ninety-eighth percentile, the only one of her small graduating class to do so. In the end, her natural ability and love of dance had not been enough, and Shelby had fallen short at the Seattle School of Ballet, forcing her to move back home to her parent’s house in small-town Nebraska.

Several minutes had passed and Shelby had not moved, her eyes transfixed on her dirty shoes. Again, her anger began to rage inside her damaged mind and body. Again, unanswered questions held in check behind her lips. How did this happen? When did this happen? Where am I? Where is the real me? Something was coming, and nothing would stop it now. One by one household objects began to fall away, piece by piece everything within her field of vision flickered and vanished, until nothing was left except for her tired body. The only sound that she could hear was her own rhythmic breathing. The only thing that she could see was light. Everything else, all of the world, had fallen away as if the entire universe had vanished. Within a few heartbeats, a change began to take place, a vision formed before her eyes, and everything was clean. Hot sunlight warmed her skin. A light summer wind lifted her Chestnut Hair over her smooth brown shoulders, and she could smell fresh cut flowers. Smiling, Shelby looked at her washed feet and giggled joyously, small blades of grass poked through a layer of sand and river rock. Hearing the sound of running water, she looked side to side. Instead of a river, Shelby found herself standing before three small white rectangular buildings, perfectly featureless and lacking a single window or door. Everything seemed to come to a standstill, and for the first time in her life Shelby could not feel what day of the week it was.

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