Stage Fright? Maybe?

More than once, I’ve touched on the fact that I’m on probation. Twelve months into the program, I still have approximately eight months remaining. The Adams County Drug Court Program is an incredible experience, and more than that: A life-saving journey. Besides the Treatment, UA Tests, and Meetings, I’m also required to attend The Court Docket once every month. This may sound surprising, or even insane, but I no longer view it as a negative experience. On the contrary, these days I enjoy my trips to Brighton CO, even with the two and a half hour bus ride, and having to take the day off from work. After all, it was my having to spend seven hours every day on the bus and train that encouraged me to find a creative activity to fill my traveling time. And what did I finally decide on: Well, writing of course!As with every other Court Docket, today the Courtroom was packed with people. Some were there for appearances, others Employees of the Court, and others simply family and/or friends. Immediately after finishing my appearance I returned to the bench to say goodbye to a friend of mine. He surprised me by turning to me and saying, “wow…I didn’t know you had such stage fright!” Although I’ve known the man for 20 years, apparently he doesn’t know very much about me, and how would he. Please allow me to explain. Yes, I’ve been dealing with Social Anxiety since I’ve been old enough to speak in front of people. In fact, that’s exactly how I found myself popping handfuls of prescription medication back in the 1990s. I couldn’t do it without the drugs. What I didn’t know until a few years ago: The reason why!Imagine standing in front of a Judge, with 50-60 people sitting behind you. Okay next, during your conversation with The Judge, you can feel everybody in the room. I’m not going into a lot of detail on the subject of “feel”, but I’ll say this. The answer lies within my other blog postings 😉 Stage fright? Maybe? I still haven’t looked up the definition. What I do know is this. It gets easier. Even sober, it gets easier. All it takes it the desire and the want for something different. Joseph Shanklin
December 12, 2019