Hmmmmm…this piece ended up being something completely different than originally intended. 😉
Last year  was a year of undisputable accomplishment. Why is it undisputable?
First: Over the next few weeks I’ll reach several one year anniversaries, including my sobriety from drugs and alcohol, 100% compliance with the terms of my probation, not being homeless, and becoming a writer.
Second: Positive feedback and support from the ones that care about me [the real ones], particularly from the Treatment and Drug Court Community.
I haven’t written about this for a while, but up until January 2019, I’d been homeless on and off for four years. Although I could have ended it at any time, it would have required me to twist my head back on straight, something I just wasn’t prepared to do. Apparently the ending of my marriage of over ten years, and with it, the ending of more lies than I have available characters to explain, damaged me greatly, more than enough to hold me down to a drug world life.
The saving grace: Being arrested and sentenced to Drug Court Probation. I have nothing but respect and love for The Adams County Drug Court, words that up until last year something I most definitely didn’t think would EVER come from me. The program is a hand-up, not a hand-out, and just what myself and a great many others are grateful for.
Nearly five years ago, at the age of 47, I drove away from everything in my life. Taking one old 1988 F-150, clothes, and a few personal items, I was forced to leave everything else behind. Before the end of that first year, everything else was gone too. It was just me in the street with a backpack, and nothing else. Although I’ve lived in Denver for thirty years, I don’t have family in the state of Colorado. The family that I’d believed I had turned out to just be an illusion, a product of me lying to myself and creating my own false reality.
If not for the four years of suffering through more pain, tragedy, heartache, and loss, I’d probably still be walking around completely deaf, dumb, and most definitely blind. I’m not insulting the handicapped, I’m just saying I was far more handicapped than the handicapped.
Cross-Modal Neuroplasticity is only the beginning! After a lifetime of refusing to accept myself as myself, I finally said [fuck it], and embraced everything that is myself. I believe that everyone has the option of doing just that, but I don’t recommend everyone doing just that. For me, I’ll compare it to riding a rollercoaster down a rabbit-hole, after taking both the red and the blue pill! Fortunately, I didn’t have anything else going on those days, you know, being homeless and all. Do you see how all this comes together? I didn’t have anything else to lose, and there would never be a more perfect time and place to step on to a forever life-changing path. More than once I had to take a step back, evaluating my situation and options. With the exception of these both, too few, and too brief time-outs, I cannot remember the last time that I felt fear. Suddenly, that seems kinda strange. Yes, those breaks were absolutely necessary, necessary for my brain. I call it choosing stupid over crazy. In other words, better not to know something, than lose your fucking mind. Standing on the edge of that, even momentarily, is slightly disturbing if not completely terrifying.
I’ll write this now, just in case someone has misunderstood what I’m saying, even though most will probably say [what the fuck is he saying?]. None of this has anything to do with the trading or selling of anything [souls ect]. It might sound silly, but I can see someone going there with it.
All of this being said [written], I’ll be spending 2020 reaching all new goals and heights. I’ll say this again, I don’t believe in sabotage. I do believe in taking people off my chessboard when appropriate though. I will not keep anyone in my life who does not either have my best interest in mind or at least doesn’t have my destruction in mind. Just like last year, zero haters allowed this year! Seems there’s always at least one out there, pretending to be loyal to everyone, but with only self-interest in mind. Funny though, these people might as well write [willow] on their forehead, because they bend whichever way the wind blows. Not to mention that it is so VERY EASY to see them.
If any of this sounds interesting, or if you liked the chapter from my book that I posted, then you’ll probably enjoy my Novel. It’s almost ready for editing!