Spider 1)   okay, it’s your turn, this time the challenge is to get a human (with shoes on) to get up from the chair, and run away.

**, Of course, this changes everything, if the person is wearing shoes they’re more likely to smash the spider**

Spider 2)   f**k you spider 1, your human didn’t have shoes on!

Spider Ref)   okay listen, it’s a new round, you’ve both survived one human without shoes, are we going to continue or not, what are you a spider or a fly!

Spider 1)   well?

Spider 2)   fine I’ll do it, don’t ever call me a fly b***h! Do it again and see what happens!

Spider #2 creeps closer to a woman in a lawn chair, she’s sitting on a patio, smoking a cigarette and talking on her phone. Slowly the spider makes his way down through the seam between the bricks, closer and closer to the unsuspecting woman on the phone. Closer, closer, then a little closer. Spider #2 was in position, gave the other spiders a furtive glance; yep, everyone is ready.

Then, ahhhhhhh, the woman on the phone screams as she gets out of her chair, drops her iPhone X, and jumps to top step just outside the sliding glass door.

Spider #2 stops, turns, throws up four or five middle fingers to spider #1, then calmly makes his way back to safety.

Spider Ref) well-done spider #2, you sir are most definitely not a fly.

Spider Ref says these words as he takes off his hat, gives spider #2 a quick bow, and then turns to spider #1.

Spider Ref)   are you, ready sir, hey, are you with us Spider #1?

Spider #1)   what?

Spider #2)   what’s up? You’re looking around like your mother is calling you home for dinner.

This comment brings laughter from a small group of female spiders, giggling between themselves, and checking out the brave spider #2.

Spider #1)   yo, I got a bad feeling about this.

Spider #1 whispers these words in Spider Refs ear, not quite quiet enough, though.

Spider #2)   hey, this was your idea, Spider #1, I went first, now it’s on you buddy. Now, who’s the fly? Hahaha, haha, Spider #1 is a fly.

This brought a road of laughter from the ladies, who were now smiling at Spider #2, and laughing at Spider #1.

Spider Ref)   Spider #1 you’re up, let’s go, sir.

Spider #1 knew he had only two options, go through with it, or not go home to spider city, and that just wouldn’t do. Reluctantly, Spider #1 made his way to the seam, not the seam that Spider #2 had used, but a seam running to the other side of the table, and the feet (and shoes) of the other human. A large male human, with big feet, covered in sandals.

Spider #2, Spider Ref, and the three female spiders watched closely, barely breathing with anticipation as Spider #1 slowly, but deliberately scurried along on his eight legs towards what might be his doom.

Brick by brick, Spider #1 creeps, and crawls, in a most clandestine manner, as only a skilled spider can do. [Damn, I’m going to die trying to impress the ladies] he thought.

Spider #2)   hey Ref, maybe we shouldn’t have pushed him, what if he was right, what if…

Spider #2 doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence; instead the sound of a massive smash turns his head. All of the spiders look in disbelief at the large male human, now standing up straight on both feet, speaking in a language that the spiders don’t understand. The human picks up his girlfriend’s cell phone, scrapes Spider #1 off of his shoe, and walks into the house, closing the door behind him.

Well, whether your a human or a spider, you should go with your gut.


August 17, 2019


4 thoughts on “Spiders [Written August 2019]

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