At some point during that first year, I made a bold [can’t take it back] decision. And why not, everyone and everything was gone? There would never be a better opportunity. It was time to embrace a new life.

As a child, my mother [single parent] implied that all things were possible. Nothing was off the table, and from a young age, I endorsed the fantastic as validated reality. All of that changed during my twenties when I became a businessman and started wearing a tie for a living. Suddenly, I decided that growing up must include shutting down the [nothing’s impossible] area of my brain.

I would spend the next two decades trying to convince myself that I could have a normal life. I remarried and dedicated myself to my wife, step-kids, and my new career as a Culinary Chef. Most importantly, I had achieved court-ordered parenting time with my two children. My first wife was not pleased with my new found happiness, but I will not be spending any time writing about the mother of my children. Please allow me to become sidetracked momentarily. There are some things that I hold sacred, and my first wife is at the top of that list. I refuse to speak poorly of the woman who brought my loving children into this world. As many mistakes as I have made, becoming a father of two beautiful babies will always be my greatest achievement.

My wonderfully new normal life did not last. The last year of my marriage transformed into something comparable to the ugliness of combat. The people I called family had done the unspeakable. Evil was invited into our home. Almost overnight, I became an unwelcome outcast. Some day I may tell the whole dark story, but that day hasn’t come yet. I will give you a hint, though. The inspiration for the first chapter of my novel came from that house. I’ve already posted excerpts from Chapter I on my blog. I’ll be reposting edited versions shortly.

What does that mean, I made a decision that I cannot take back? I made a choice to accept myself for who I am. Up until then, I had spent my life working to stifle characteristics about myself that make me . . . me. No, I’m not hinting of things like sexual orientation.

I asked the Universe for something. No, this doesn’t have anything to do with anything dark or evil. Although I’m not going to tell you what I asked for. The details of that experience are sensitive. Further disclosure of something so personal would not be wisdom.

Even if I knew what was going to happen, I could not have prepared myself for the rollercoaster of change that would begin to take place overnight. Within twenty-four hours, everything changed.

Joseph Shanklin

August 23, 2020

2 thoughts on “Journals [Embracing The Universe Part II, Speaking The Words]

  1. I love that you mum encouraged you to believe everything was possible, it’s just a shame that positivity and zest for doing, risking and achieving gets sucked out of us by life. I’m also really sorry to read about how things went south in the last year of your marriage and what happened with your family. “I made a choice to accept myself for who I am” < that is something that some people go their whole lives without doing. You should be proud for making what was likely an uncomfortable decision to be able to be yourself and get your life on a track that suited you, not one you felt railroaded onto or that life steered you towards.
    Caz xx

    Liked by 1 person

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