How Do I Know That I Love Her [Part I]

Recently, my wife asked me why I love her. I decided to use thousands of words for the answer.

Part I

I held my wife above everything else on Earth. She was my World, and I loved her unconditionally. I embraced my role of loving husband completely and considered myself the most fortunate man alive on Earth. Upon seeing the birth of my first child, I was transformed once more. Only a parent can truly understand the gift of creating a child and watching that baby come into the World. My open arms were waiting to hold our little miracle. We’ve been blessed twice and have two beautiful children. However, they’re both adults now and plan to become parents themselves someday.

The blissfulness of marriage and fatherhood attracts evil. Darkness in the form of narcotics crept into my mind and whispered into my ear. I had not armored myself against the lies of addiction. Soon, a new love, the love of euphoria, began to pull me away from my family. I believed the whispered untruthful words, “you can have drugs and your loved ones.” Soon, physical addiction gripped my soul. I was not prepared for battle. Even after 10 days of residential treatment, I could not be sober within my skin. My mind became my enemy, and I immediately slipped into what I now know as [Relapse Behavior].

There wasn’t anything that could be done to stop the inevitable separation, although she tried, again and again, day and night. I had allowed myself to become distracted by wickedness and selfishness, going as far as to invite my addiction into our home. I remember my wife saying to me, “why won’t you fight for me?” I scoffed at her pleadings and upshifted my arrogance to an all-time high. I remember thinking, “why would I fight for what’s already mine?”

Pictured: My wife and daughter today.

Joseph Shanklin

November 29, 2020