How Do I Know That I Love Her [Part II]

Note to the reader: I’d like to take this opportunity to say this. At no point during our relationship was my wife weak or blind to what was happening. Her faith and love for me provided the strength to fight for our relationship.

Part II

The addiction raging within my mind was winning. Occasionally, I would glimpse myself slipping farther and farther away from my loved ones. With each mental snapshot of who I used to be, panic drove me back to my family, desperately seeking an opportunity to beguile my foot into the door. The power within my words had become selfishly twisted. Once inside, the cycle of relapse and heartbreak continued. I could not see the damage I was inflicting upon my family.

Eventually, I pushed my wife’s love for me too far. Towards the end of our marriage, she asked me once more to choose her, to choose our family. The endless supply of lies and manipulation within my head did not have boundaries or limits. Sacrificing every promise and vow, I chose to break the heart of the only woman who has ever truly loved me. I chose to break the hearts of my babies, as well. I chose drugs over my family.

I remember the day my daughter said to me, “dad, please don’t get back together with mom again. I can’t take it anymore.” I’ll never forget that moment.

Joseph Shanklin

November 30, 2020