Morning Sledgehammer Scare

Last week while on patrol, I rolled up on a small car parked on the shoulder. The hood was up, and the driver was walking around and talking on his cellphone. After a short conversation, I discovered the vehicle stalled out while driving, so he’d pulled over to the shoulder. Unfortunately, the man locked his keys in the car while checking under the hood.

Fortunately for the driver, I carry the necessary tools to perform a [lock out] procedure. You know, a legal break-in. Even though I’ve never stolen anything on four wheels, I’m confident I could boost cars all day and night if I desired to do so. There is one minor [major] hiccup with such a grimy little plan, though; I don’t steal. I don’t steal anything.

I offered to open the Honda, and the driver quickly concurred. As I walked back from my truck towards his car with a grin, I waited happily for the man’s terrified reaction. I didn’t have to wait long for his eyes to lock on to the small sledgehammer in my right hand.

Self-control won the moment, and I held up the additional three tools in my left hand; plastic wedge, inflatable rubber pillow, and heavy wire. I smiled and told the driver I didn’t have a smaller hammer. A rubber mallet would have been preferred, but I’d have to make do. Damn, there’s nothing like a good scare at 6:00 AM to wake you up, don’t you agree?

After popping the driver’s door, I tightened up the battery. A jumpstart wasn’t necessary. Within a few minutes, both car and driver were back on the road. You’d be surprised at how many vehicle owners don’t perform essential battery maintenance. Well, unless you’re one of those owners.

My thoughts on this situation?

1) No wonder the Honda Civic is the third most stolen car in the nation.

2) 🤔 Why do I always want to say [sludge hammer]?

Joseph Shanklin

December 4, 2021