Re-posted From August, 2020.

As a child, my mother [single parent] implied that all things were possible. Nothing was off the table, and from a young age, I endorsed the fantastic as validated reality. All of that changed during my twenties when I became a professional and started wearing a tie. Suddenly, I decided that growing up must include shutting down the [nothing’s impossible] area of my brain.

I would spend my twenties, thirties, and most of my forties searching for a normal life. This life would include marriage, divorce, and eventually multiple bad relationships. The last of which transformed into something comparable to the ugliness of combat.

Sadly, I allowed myself to settle; investing too many years into a toxic relationship. In the end, the people I’d attempted to call family had done the unspeakable. Evil was invited into our home. Refusing to embrace their foul way of life, I was eventually demoted to unwelcome houseguest. Some day I may share the entire story, but that day hasn’t come yet.

What does this mean? I made a decision that I cannot take back? Well, I asked the Universe for something that already belonged to me. No, this doesn’t have anything to do with darkness or evil. Although, the details of that experience are sensitive. Further disclosure of something so personal would not be wisdom. Besides, now that I’ve reconciled with the mother of my children, my wife doesn’t like to hear me speak of such things.

Even if I knew what was going to happen, I could not have prepared myself for the transformation that would begin to take place before sunrise.

Joseph Shanklin

August 23, 2020

6 thoughts on “Journals [Embracing The Universe Part II Speaking The Words]

  1. Hey Joe! God bless you and Happy New Year! This is very to the point what you wrote, and I love it; not some rambling like I’m typically doing! But you touched on a few massive learning curve aspects of life I think for sure.

    First your Mom is very optimistic and sounds like she is more a positive person than most! That is a blessing if that was truly the case and my own mother could be that too during my formative youthful years. But she did have a spot in her where pain and confusion would bubble up and mostly when I would irritate or not understand like I do now, so would be stepping on toes in a sense. But overall it was fine because my mother as compared to so many guys I grew up with was so talented and special; so I have zero complaints about either of my parents, and of course they weren’t perfect but as one of my sisters says they are the best in her mind with many good qualities! But what your Mom said about “anything is possible,” I see as the aim high because why not set an exciting goal and as I see it now we can adjust as the total picture or reality eventually sets in! Well actually a priest I met after a family member passed on who I got to know as a friend through the funeral told me the same basically, when I was visiting him at the rectory sitting in the kitchen talking about really good things! But, at the time I had a dog that had just died and I missed really badly! And being single living alone I do invest totally into my dogs making them my best friends on earth, I think the kid in me never stops and I relate to how you said once you were a businessman you had to buck up and put those fancy free ideas away!

    Check this out it’s really true and does fit though, even with holding onto the child in our hearts.

    “10but when the perfect comes, the partial passes away. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I set aside childish ways. 12Now we see but a dim reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:11

    So this Scripture may seem to be telling us to forget about it when we get grownup, if we do, then we stop being the kid. But I’m still both and that priest who since passed on too, which really is sad because having him to connect with was awesome, he was so down to earth and real a great human being, also a paramedic! And he had Irish/Swedish roots which I think gave him such a down to earth kindness in his bones; really just one of the most genuine kindest persons I ever met! He said to me when I was struggling with missing my dog and also the hardness of losing a family member; he just matter of fact said with God anything is possible so trust in the Lord. I think both he and your Mom are right!

    Now you and I both know we all make mistakes and that is absolutely unavoidable but like my Dad always told me when growing up, God forgives you if you ask him sincerely to forgive you and mean it, but then He expects you to try your absolute best to not do that again. Now I know we humans being creatures of habit and fallen, we can do a good job with that if we mean it but we may still stumble especially when things get dicey like in a messed up dysfunctional relationship, which I had a couple of those too; as you say Settled don’t get me wrong nice enough ladies with careers and all the typical things but just not right for me and I couldn’t be good enough for them; my Dad said you don’t know how to pick them but I say in this world today relationships are strained and it’s a big blessing from God to have the right ideal person who we can work with to build total trust and happiness based on true love; and if not I stick to being single just fine! But that was a long while back and I didn’t waste my time or like Dad said didn’t go barking up the wrong tree!

    I learned my lesson especially about romantic relationships that they can become toxic, you know the old infatuation thing, and like no get out in a heartbeat then rip and tear you a new one in a flash! Playing with fire we are, when we jump into those situations! The test of time is the major thing when developing a long term partner type of relationship as I see it now. But there is more, I see now that we guys don’t just bark up the wrong tree but we can be tying too damn hard to think we can make it happen the way we want it to; and so, set ourselves up for failure! And even that adage of let your conscience be your guide is good, but, not enough I have tested that out! If it’s me making the thing happen or trying to run my own life into the future that I envision it; rather than what is my real purpose here in this short life, I come up with problems; so the only way I fly now is I have to do my best to stay in close contact with Jesus Christ our Savior and let him through the Holy Spirit show me what the Father’s will is for me day by day! It’s actually a relief to let Him show me what is best for me, step by step, one day at a time, but, then the right pattern and situation will come!

    As a family member told me years ago when very sick after a hard life of some of the kind of torment you mention and even having to ride the rails and live like a hobo, it was unreal to me how he could have made it through all of that and still in the end even sickly and knowing as he told me how he didn’t listen to the right people and was doing what he damn well pleased and was even broken over a lost relationship and a career he told me right out; “Lawrence, we are only here to love and serve God Almighty that’s it; and if people would just get that through their thick heads and then let it happen, they would be way better off, just like I would have been if I had done it!” He even said listening to his parents would have been so much better, because if you have at least one good one, and listen because they love you like no other persons on earth can, so we need to not be stubborn and think we got it all worked out!

    I hope something in all this will flash to you a good message from heart, to reach soul, and help in building that close connection with Jesus Christ even more! If I fail to explain well enough just tell me and I will try harder to put it in a nutshell! I say that because I talk a lot, I’m sure you noticed; so often time’s economy of words is far from my wheelhouse!

    Keep up the great outlook and good soul searching that brings us to God’s Truth!
    Brother in Christ,
    Here check out the dog story I had talked to my priest friend about!

    A Special Dog Angel

    Liked by 2 people

      1. 😇❤️🙏 Hey Good Buddy and Brother!
        No sweat just happy to do it because you’re a standup guy and you deserve my respect so I am more than happy to say what is in my heart!
        All the best and have a great day Joe!
        Catch you again soon.
        God bless.😇❤️🙏

        Funny how I was just about to shut down here, got lots to do and had just thought about you a moment ago after sharing some long commentary with a wise and very good woman; and then I look here and swear to God, this comment of your was right there at the top of the cue; and all else was answered so tell me someone doesn’t have out backs, and is telling us so!!!
        Man, great news this is!

        Sharing this with you as well as them today!

        Liked by 2 people

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