Magical Headline: Nancy Pelosi Struck & Killed By Sewage Truck On A Sunday Morning

I should begin by saying I’m Catholic. So, the following piece is undoubtedly from the heart. The evil known as pelosi had been barred from Communion, so when The Pope allowed the creature to receive the Sacrament, I immediately began an investigation. Here’s what I discovered.

Sunday morning, the Pope shocked the Catholic Church by allowing nancy pelosi back into the House of God to receive Communion. A government investigation agency will undoubtedly check his personal bank accounts following what can only be described as an obvious example of Bribing A Man of God. Why else would The Pope allow evil into the Church to receive The Sacrament of Communion? Maybe we shouldn’t question his decision. Or, perhaps 1 + 1 is sometimes 2. After all, nancy pelosi called late-term abortion “sacred ground.” I’m absolutely positive that pelosi believes child sacrifice to be sacred ground. I can name a few others as well who feel the same way.

Ms. pelosi, a.k.a. Alligator Face, smiled with delight as she tried to bite the wafer from Pope Francis’s fingers. A small crowd looked onward with tears streaking down their cheeks as they struggled desperately to keep pelosi’s foul stink from reaching their eyes.

As with all things, The Universe, A.K.A. God, got the last laugh when Aligator Face’s limo was struck by a human waste removal truck. The 20-Ton Shit Truck crossed three lanes of oncoming traffic without touching a single vehicle, crashed through a guardrail, and then sailed 75 yards over the top of an Interstate Highway. Dozens of wittiness have come forward with similar statements. Apparently, the large truck slowed down mid-flight and could be seen briefly against the Sun before dropping straight down onto the Aligator’s limo. A dark porta-potty mixture immediately began to fill the long black automobile. Gurgling noises replaced screams of terror as the evil villain’s lungs filled up with urine and feces—a well-deserved ending for the long life of a shady criminal bitch.

The driver, apparently a Hyena, was shot by Police as it tried to scamper away towards the ditch. What else would agree to transport such a monster to Church?

An autopsy would later reveal the cause of death as Drowning In Human Waste. A pile of shit killed by a pile of shit.

Joseph Shanklin

June 30, 2022